Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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