If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
