GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
