I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
