i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
