she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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