I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
