its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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