There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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