Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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