Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
there's paper in my vomit.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
