I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize