I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
