Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
