i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
