FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
