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On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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