3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
