forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It's Friday. Sex?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
