Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
