i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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