I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
