I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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