So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
