Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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