You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
