i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
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I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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