I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
