I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
