u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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