i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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