i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
