yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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