ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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