im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
