I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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