Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
