I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
