guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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