Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
