We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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