I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize