I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize