I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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