Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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