For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
