You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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