i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Pooping to opera.
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