Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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