your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
