you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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