Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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