My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
