Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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