I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
