first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
